Finally: 1st Ever Unaltered Magazine Cover

Finally: 1st Ever Unaltered Magazine Cover

New York City — Too often our children are pegged with unrealistic standards when it comes to beauty.  I’m happy to announce that starting today, that is no longer.  Fashion Magazine has taken a vow to stop altering their cover photos and show the world what real women look like.  Bravo Fashion Magazine, Bravo!

Man Retires To Fulfill Lifelong Dream Of Finding Things To Do Around The House

Man Retires To Fulfill Lifelong Dream Of Finding Things To Do Around The House

Cincinnati, OH — Racking his brain for something he may have forgotten, recently retired Walter Henderson aimlessly wanders his house looking for something, anything to do.  Three weeks ago, Henderson, a 31-year veteran of the work force, decided to give it all up and focus on his long forgotten dream of finding something to do around the […]

Chris Brown Opens New Restaurant: Knuckle Sandwiches

Chris Brown Opens New Restaurant: Knuckle Sandwiches

Los Angeles, CA — Shaking with excitement, Chris Brown unveiled his new project, a restaurant called Knuckle Sandwiches.  We spoke with Chris about his latest venture, “This place has been a dream of mine and it’s finally come true. Lately, I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching and Knuckle Sandwiches is my salvation.  You see, I’ve […]

Mylan Introduces More Affordable EpiPen

Mylan Introduces More Affordable EpiPen

Washington, D.C. — Attempting to recover from the well deserved backlash against evidence of up-charging the life saving medication,  Mylan, the makers EpiPen, appears to have listened to consumers and have introduced an “affordable” option.   “Look, we screwed up. We didn’t think people would catch on to our bullshit—for that we are sorry,” said Chief of Operations, Hannah […]

Madea And Tyler Perry Show Up At Same Event

Madea And Tyler Perry Show Up At Same Event

Los Angeles, CA — Shock and awe on the red carpet as Tyler Perry and Madea showed up at the same event in Hollywood, CA last night. While Perry seemed stunned, Madea seemed unfazed by the meeting. “I can’t believe it. This is amazing,” said one of the attendees. “I’m not sure whose autograph I […]

Study: Crying In Public Seen As Weakness

Study: Crying In Public Seen As Weakness

San Francisco, CA — Making everyone around him extremely uncomfortable, Brian Stroman, only 3 months on the job sits in the middle of a busy workplace meeting quietly sobbing.  “Oh Christ, he’s doing it again,” replied his fellow co-worker, Shannon Lewis.  When asked about the frequency she replied, “It seems like it’s every other day now. Nobody […]

Woman’s Nightmares Resemble Her Real Life

Woman’s Nightmares Resemble Her Real Life

New York, New York — Sweating from what has been yet another night of never ending terror, 27 year-old Ashley Lawson never seems to catch a break as her actual life and nightly terror sessions appear to be one in the same.  “A few nights ago, I had this horrible dream that I was living in a […]

STUDY: Ants Spend Days Burning Shit With Magnifying Glass

STUDY: Ants Spend Days Burning Shit With Magnifying Glass

Kansas City, MO — Intending to map an ant’s daily routine, a new study has concluded that Ants spend most of their day burning random shit with a magnifying glass.  The lead scientist behind the experiment, Meredith Groff, described the behavior as being “kind of badass.” “They seem to enjoy the hell out of it” The […]