CANTON, OH — Observed through the wandering eyes of his trusted co-workers, Nick Harrington of accounts receivable briefly dozes off behind the incandescent glow of his not one but two “much needed” computer monitors. “That…
Man With Two Monitors Doing Jack Shit
Felicity Huffman Frantically Eats Daughter’s Real SAT Score During FBI Probe
LOS ANGELES, CA — After hours of insisting that her daughter’s real SAT scores have gone missing, Felicity Huffman desperately began shoving in and eating what appeared to be her…
Trump Writers’ Room Scrambles As Mid-Season Ratings Tank
WASHINGTON D.C. — Record low ratings for Mr. Trump have sent his team of writers back to…
GOP Releases New Children’s Book “I Don’t Care About You”
WASHINGTON D.C. — A new book penned by the GOP’s own Mitch McConnell, was released this morning…
White House Implements New Security Measures
WASHINGTON D.C. — New security measures were put in place after accusations over the weekend that…
STUDY: 9 Out Of 10 Dead People Wish They Had Not
Mylan Introduces More Affordable EpiPen
Study: Crying In Public Seen As Weakness
STUDY: Ants Spend Days Burning Shit With Magnifying Glass
Felicity Huffman Frantically Eats Daughter’s Real SAT Score During FBI Probe
LOS ANGELES, CA — After hours of insisting that her daughter’s real SAT scores have gone missing, Felicity Huffman desperately began shoving in and…
Bill Murray’s Drunken, Murderous Rampage Somehow Hilarious And Endearing To Chicagoans
CHICAGO, IL — Inebriated and unhinged, Bill Murray grabbed anyone within arm’s reach unleashing a barrage of violence. While fellow out-of-towners looked on in…
Sacha Baron Cohen Admits Being Duped By Himself
LOS ANGELES, CA — Demanding an apology, Sacha Baron Cohen admitted to being duped in an interview by a shadowy figure that turned out to…
Canceled Show Shacks Up With Other Network Like The Whore It Is
LOS ANGELES, CA — Unable to live a life unaccompanied, a recently canceled television show desperately shacked up with the first willing network, vowing to do…
Drink Served In Fucking Mason Jar
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