BIRMINGHAM, AL — Mile Marker 283 has never been in better shape thanks to our good friends at the Ku Klux Klan. “I got one hell of a crew here,” said local Grand Wizard David Harris. His group is well organized and can be ready at a moment’s notice. They are extremely passionate and always see […]
Atlanta, GA — The seriousness of todays political climate appears to have no effect on the Johnson family as they revel in the picture quality of their newest television. “Look at the picture on that thing—absolutely incredible,” said Mark Johnson. Images of rioting set against the evanescent glow of ultra HD television appears to have […]
Wasilla, AK — Sarah Palin has taken point in her own state of Alaska in honoring those who have served on Veterans Day. “Thank god we have a day devoted to honoring Veterinarians and the sacrifice they make.” said Palin. “Today we recognize those that have served in the dog and kitty community. First and foremost we […]
Gainesville, FL — Undecided voter, Matt Heartfield, burned his hand after touching a plate that a waiter only seconds before said was “a very hot plate.” Mr. Heartfield seemed very stunned by the what had happened saying, “The hot-hot HURTED me.” Mr. Heartfield attempted to relieve his injuries by pouring pepper on the wound while saying, […]
Long Island, NY — Writhing with anticipation, Maury Povich revealed the results from the candidates live via a lie detector test at Hofstra University. Donald Trump has been fighting live fact checking at the first debate to no avail. “Donald, you said that you don’t hate all muslims—the lie detector determined that was a lie.” “Donald, […]
Chappaqua, New York — Racking his brain about the last time he saw Hillary Clinton, Stan Dunhill, the longtime neighbor of The Clintons spoke to the media saying, “Hillary Clinton? I haven’t heard that name in a long while. Why…she’s been dead for 13 years.” While the media has been scrambling to find more information about Mrs. […]
Washington D.C. — A vote was completed on capital hill this morning at 9AM central time to approve five songs that United States citizens are legally not allow to sit down during. Given the recent backlash that Colin Kaepernick has received, the government has taken it upon themselves to clear up any confusion and has created a […]
Washington, D.C. — In what was supposed to be a grand event quickly turned into quite an embarrassing moment for the Obama Administration as The White House’s credit card was declined at the State Dinner. The humiliating event happened just moments after President Obama had been busy entertaining The British Royal Family. Attendees could hear the […]
Franklin, TN — 4 year old transgender Golden Retriever, Mickey, has lived a pretty normal life—until recently. Owner, Dan Heartfield, spoke about the confusion in detail explaining “Mickey has always shit on Ms. Henderson’s lawn next door, but now with new bathroom laws in place we’re not sure what to do.” “Pee-pee’s and poo-poo’s are […]