GOP Releases New Children’s Book “I Don’t Care About You”

GOP Releases New Children’s Book “I Don’t Care About You”

WASHINGTON D.C. — A new book penned by the GOP’s own Mitch McConnell, was released this morning entitled, I Don’t Care About You.  The book is meant to serve as a simpler explanation of why the GOP would repeal The Affordable Care Act and deny healthcare for 30 Million Americans in a way that children everywhere will be able to understand.  The […]

Trump Voter, Complaining About Rigged Election, Explains Merits of the Electoral College on Facebook

Trump Voter, Complaining About Rigged Election, Explains Merits of the Electoral College on Facebook

CROSSVILLE, TN — In a miraculous turn of events, one Trump Voter, who spent months bitching about a “rigged” election, suddenly made it his life’s work explaining the miracle of the Electoral College on Facebook.  “You see, Jesus gave the Electoral College process to our founding fathers to give a voice to the little man living […]

Trump Appoints KKK In Charge of Adopt-A-Highway Program

Trump Appoints KKK In Charge of Adopt-A-Highway Program

BIRMINGHAM, AL — Mile Marker 283 has never been in better shape thanks to our good friends at the Ku Klux Klan. “I got one hell of a crew here,” said local Grand Wizard David Harris. His group is well organized and can be ready at a moment’s notice. They are extremely passionate and always see […]

Family Watches Country Burn Through Evanescent Glow Of 60 Inch Ultra HD TV

Family Watches Country Burn Through Evanescent Glow Of 60 Inch Ultra HD TV

Atlanta, GA — The seriousness of todays political climate appears to have no effect on the Johnson family as they revel in the picture quality of their newest television.  “Look at the picture on that thing—absolutely incredible,” said Mark Johnson.  Images of rioting set against the evanescent glow of ultra HD television appears to have […]

Sarah Palin Salutes Veterinarians Across America

Sarah Palin Salutes Veterinarians Across America

Wasilla, AK — Sarah Palin has taken point in her own state of Alaska in honoring those who have served on Veterans Day.  “Thank god we have a day devoted to honoring Veterinarians and the sacrifice they make.” said Palin.  “Today we recognize those that have served in the dog and kitty community. First and foremost we […]

Undecided Voter Burns Hand After Waiter Says Plate Is Hot

Undecided Voter Burns Hand After Waiter Says Plate Is Hot

Gainesville, FL — Undecided voter, Matt Heartfield, burned his hand after touching a plate that a waiter only seconds before said was “a very hot plate.”  Mr. Heartfield seemed very stunned by the what had happened saying, “The hot-hot HURTED me.”  Mr. Heartfield attempted to relieve his injuries by pouring pepper on the wound while saying, […]

Maury Reveals Lie Detector Results Live At Debate

Maury Reveals Lie Detector Results Live At Debate

Long Island, NY  — Writhing with anticipation, Maury Povich revealed the results from the candidates live via a lie detector test at Hofstra University.  Donald Trump has been fighting live fact checking at the first debate to no avail. “Donald, you said that you don’t hate all muslims—the lie detector determined that was a lie.” “Donald, […]

“Hillary Clinton? She’s Been Dead For 13 Years” Says Longtime Neighbor

“Hillary Clinton? She’s Been Dead For 13 Years” Says Longtime Neighbor

Chappaqua, New York — Racking his brain about the last time he saw Hillary Clinton, Stan Dunhill, the longtime neighbor of The Clintons spoke to the media saying, “Hillary Clinton? I haven’t heard that name in a long while. Why…she’s been dead for 13 years.”  While the media has been scrambling to find more information about Mrs. […]