WASHINGTON D.C. — Record low ratings for Mr. Trump have sent his team of writers back to the drawing board where sources tell us they are grasping for straws, coming up with any and all ideas in an effort to avoid cancelation. “I got it!,” exclaimed one of the newer writers. “How about Mr. Trump attacks […]
MILWAUKEE, WI — On Saturday Phil Cutter was found dead in his studio apartment. An autopsy determined that Mr. Cutter died of a lethal dose of Trump news stories. Unfortunately, these overdoses aren’t solely limited to media stories with President Trump. Similar effects have been reported to those in his cabinet. Last Thursday, an entire […]
DALTON, GA — Fondly remembering about what life was like before President Trump, Robert Byers was quick to tear up upon realizing his current standing within society. “The last two weeks have been sobering to say the least,” said Byers. Being a life-long caucasian asshole, Mr. Byers is no stranger to criticism. “Listen, I get it. I’m as […]
LOGAN, NEW MEXICO — The unexpected arrival of extra terrestrials shocked the nation today as millions watched in anticipation as one of the extra terrestrials approached the podium and attempted to convey the first-ever message towards earthlings. Unfortunately, his message was quickly interrupted by President-elect Trump saying, “Excuse me, excuse me, you’re being very rude right now—very rude. […]
CROSSVILLE, TN — In a miraculous turn of events, one Trump Voter, who spent months bitching about a “rigged” election, suddenly made it his life’s work explaining the miracle of the Electoral College on Facebook. “You see, Jesus gave the Electoral College process to our founding fathers to give a voice to the little man living […]