WASHINGTON D.C. — Record low ratings for Mr. Trump have sent his team of writers back to the drawing board where sources tell us they are grasping for straws, coming up with any and all ideas in an effort to avoid cancelation. “I got it!,” exclaimed one of the newer writers. “How about Mr. Trump attacks […]
WASHINGTON D.C. — A new book penned by the GOP’s own Mitch McConnell, was released this morning entitled, I Don’t Care About You. The book is meant to serve as a simpler explanation of why the GOP would repeal The Affordable Care Act and deny healthcare for 30 Million Americans in a way that children everywhere will be able to understand. The […]
WASHINGTON D.C. — New security measures were put in place after accusations over the weekend that former President Obama has been tapping Mr. Trump’s phone lines. “Effective immediately, all White House employees will be issued a signal blocking helmet, anti-bug tapping booties, and a bottle of hand sanitizer to kill the microscopic spies that live […]
WASHINGTON D.C. — In a local bookstore, Kellyanne Conway belted out one of her many short poems to group of shocked members of the local poetry club. “How to Lie With A Smile On Your Face” Alternative facts are a real thing. It’s what we do in the new West Wing. Lying to people just feels […]
WASHINGTON D.C. — In the back corner of Cookies coffee shop, Steve Bannon quietly stood in front of a a group of no more than 7 guests where he read one of his many short poems. “How to Ruin the World” I’m in the White House, that’s step number one. Boy oh boy, this is sure gonna be […]
MILWAUKEE, WI — On Saturday Phil Cutter was found dead in his studio apartment. An autopsy determined that Mr. Cutter died of a lethal dose of Trump news stories. Unfortunately, these overdoses aren’t solely limited to media stories with President Trump. Similar effects have been reported to those in his cabinet. Last Thursday, an entire […]
DALTON, GA — Fondly remembering about what life was like before President Trump, Robert Byers was quick to tear up upon realizing his current standing within society. “The last two weeks have been sobering to say the least,” said Byers. Being a life-long caucasian asshole, Mr. Byers is no stranger to criticism. “Listen, I get it. I’m as […]
LOGAN, NEW MEXICO — The unexpected arrival of extra terrestrials shocked the nation today as millions watched in anticipation as one of the extra terrestrials approached the podium and attempted to convey the first-ever message towards earthlings. Unfortunately, his message was quickly interrupted by President-elect Trump saying, “Excuse me, excuse me, you’re being very rude right now—very rude. […]
“This is the Garbage Dump free fall.”
CROSSVILLE, TN — In a miraculous turn of events, one Trump Voter, who spent months bitching about a “rigged” election, suddenly made it his life’s work explaining the miracle of the Electoral College on Facebook. “You see, Jesus gave the Electoral College process to our founding fathers to give a voice to the little man living […]