LOS ANGELES, CA — After hours of insisting that her daughter’s real SAT scores have gone missing, Felicity Huffman desperately began shoving in and eating what appeared to be her daughter’s actual SAT scores as FBI agents struggled to pry open her mouth. “It’s a cupcake. I’m just eating a cupcake,” Ms. Huffman garbled as […]
CHICAGO, IL — Inebriated and unhinged, Bill Murray grabbed anyone within arm’s reach unleashing a barrage of violence. While fellow out-of-towners looked on in sheer horror, local Chicagoans laughed hysterically, even cheering Mr. Murray on and posing for selfies while the rampage ensued. “I fucking love Bill Murray! The man can do no wrong,” said […]
LOS ANGELES, CA — Demanding an apology, Sacha Baron Cohen admitted to being duped in an interview by a shadowy figure that turned out to be none other than himself. “I thought I was doing an interview with an industry professional about my life and comedy career only to realize later I’d been tricked by none […]
LOS ANGELES, CA — Unable to live a life unaccompanied, a recently canceled television show desperately shacked up with the first willing network, vowing to do anything it takes to make things happen like the disgusting little streetwalker that it is. “I’ve never seen a canceled show turn tricks this quick before,” said entertainment expert, Phil Rosenstein. “As […]
NEW YORK CITY — Declaring this to be the start of a new era, Comedy Central has removed the long-standing statue of the once popular Carlos Mencia. “While we recognize our rich comedic history, we must also be held accountable for the mistakes we have made along the way,” said Comedy Central President Ross Neumann. […]
HOLLYWOOD, CA — Shock and awe as audience members at The Politician’s Choice Awards had to bear witness to a painful Oscar acceptance speech. “Wow! I’m in shock right now. Growing up, I used to lie in bed and dream about this moment. I don’t even have words for this.” said the winner pulling out a […]
SCHAUMBURG, IL – The long-running CW show, Gilmore Girls, is the latest Netflix revival. The anticipation of the November 25th release led to Netflix Marathons and a spike in wine sales the preceding week. The show has been a cult favorite of white women all across America, especially in the Midwest, and has an even […]
Los Angeles, CA — Early 2016 saw Playboys brash and controversial decision to no longer have nude models grace the covers of their magazine. However, as the year has turned into a reaping of our most celebrated famous people, the company has switched its focus to just keeping the founder and mogul alive for these […]
NEW YORK CITY — Mouthing the words to every song and clenching his fists with a look of absolute power, local gay resident, Christian Rhodes, absorbed yet another Hamilton set. “Godddd yes!,” said Rhodes while taking it all in. Rhodes, a long standing supporter of Broadway, has sold everything and cashed in all favors in order to see […]
Los Angeles, CA — Recent high school graduate and daughter of a famous celebrity, Caroline Brillstein, has made the bold decision to enter the entertainment industry. Ms. Brillstein, who requested we call her by her new stage name, Cayenne, had this to say about her decision, “Look, I could be a lawyer, or a doctor, or […]