Gainesville, FL — Undecided voter, Matt Heartfield, burned his hand after touching a plate that a waiter only seconds before said was “a very hot plate.” Mr. Heartfield seemed very stunned by the what had happened saying, “The hot-hot HURTED me.” Mr. Heartfield attempted to relieve his injuries by pouring pepper on the wound while saying, “Grabby thing better now.”
“The hot-hot HURTED me.”
The burn didn’t stop Mr. Heartfield from finishing off the night by attempting to eat his mug for dessert. “Ouch. The glass is not food?” Mr. Heartfield’s vote still remains a mystery as his continuing list of injuries keeps America wondering whether or not he will make it to the polls.