WASHINGTON D.C. — In a local bookstore, Kellyanne Conway belted out one of her many short poems to group of shocked members of the local poetry club. “How to Lie With A Smile On Your Face” Alternative facts are a real thing. It’s what we do in the new West Wing. Lying to people just feels […]
WASHINGTON D.C. — In the back corner of Cookies coffee shop, Steve Bannon quietly stood in front of a a group of no more than 7 guests where he read one of his many short poems. “How to Ruin the World” I’m in the White House, that’s step number one. Boy oh boy, this is sure gonna be […]
SCHAUMBURG, IL – The long-running CW show, Gilmore Girls, is the latest Netflix revival. The anticipation of the November 25th release led to Netflix Marathons and a spike in wine sales the preceding week. The show has been a cult favorite of white women all across America, especially in the Midwest, and has an even […]
BIRMINGHAM, AL — Mile Marker 283 has never been in better shape thanks to our good friends at the Ku Klux Klan. “I got one hell of a crew here,” said local Grand Wizard David Harris. His group is well organized and can be ready at a moment’s notice. They are extremely passionate and always see […]
Gary, IN — It was a day of tough decisions at the local petting zoo Dutch Creek Animal Park. Especially for little Bobby Mitchell Jr. who couldn’t make up his God damn mind when deciding which goat to pet. Bobby often takes his time when faced with such incredibly mundane decisions. “He pulls this shit all […]
Chicago, IL — The price of baseball just went up in the popular Chicago neighborhood Wrigleyville. Many of the bars have decided to reward customers for their years of business by only charging a $100 cover to watch the Cubs play in the World Series. Old Style’s have also jumped in price this week to an […]
New York, NY — Mark Davies, owner of Wings N’ Things, has been in business for twelve years, but the price of business just went up. The National Football League now demands 117% of bar and restaurant revenue on game days. “Sundays are usually our bread and butter,” said Mark. NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell is […]
New York, NY — The NFL Commissioner recently spent $645 million dollars on creating a shrinking device that only recognizes Tom Brady’s DNA. Tom served his four game suspension under the commissioner’s close supervision above his fireplace. “Tom can be a real menace sometimes,” said Goodell. “This way I can look out for the league’s best […]
Kansas City, MO — The just-average TV show Gotham returned with an all right episode. The show is found to be semi-decent if you don’t have a lot of options. Tyler Parks, who got rid of his premium cable package just two weeks ago, catches an episode every now and then. “I’ve only got like […]
CARY, IL — Brad Smith has been playing in an adult softball league for 16 years. In high school, he was a year-round athlete, he was a varsity starting wide receiver by sophomore year. “It’s a good way for me and the guys to get together a few times a week,” says Brad. But a […]