White House Implements New Security Measures

WASHINGTON D.C. — New security measures were put in place after accusations over the weekend that former President Obama has been tapping Mr. Trump’s phone lines.  “Effective immediately, all White House employees will be issued a signal blocking helmet,  anti-bug tapping booties, and a bottle of hand sanitizer to kill the microscopic spies that live under our skin,” said Sean Spicer wearing a tin-foil helmet.  The White House seemed dead-set on accusing President Obama saying, “Let’s cut the shit! Mr. Obama has been working with The Moonies this whole time.”

“Shhhhhhhh—you hear that?”

Later, Mr. Spicer interrupted reporters saying, “Shhhhhhhh—you hear that?,” as he then placed his ear against the piece of paper from which he was reading.  Mr. Spicer continued to make further accusations, pointing the finger at the press saying, “This is your fault! Don’t you fucking lie to me! We all know you are working with extra terrestrials from Globnar 37.  Don’t fucking pretend!”  The entire White House press corp had to be evacuated when Mr. Spicer produced a fire arm waving it in the general direction of whom he determined to be “spies.”