WASHINGTON D.C. — Record low ratings for Mr. Trump have sent his team of writers back to the drawing board where sources tell us they are grasping for straws, coming up with any and all ideas in an effort to avoid cancelation. “I got it!,” exclaimed one of the newer writers. “How about Mr. Trump attacks the press—AGAIN?” Mr. Trump’s Showrunner was quick to dismiss this idea. “Come on people! We’ve done the press thing! Think god dammit, think!” He continued, “I’ve got the whole goddamn country up my ass and you give me this shit!? This time last year, we we’re grabbing pussies and making fun of disabled people. That’s what the people want!”
“What if Mr. Trump—kills—someone—an immigrant perhaps—and drinks their blood—at The United Nations?”
Sources claim that a new birthing scandal episode might be in the works. “Ooooh, I got it! We did the whole Obama birther scandal. How about his kids? Where are their birth certificates?” The Showrunner was quick to pin the idea to the cork board, “Now that is an idea. Not a great one—but not bad.” Another writer chimed in, “How about Mr. Trump celebrates Robert E. Lee day?” “Good! Come on, somebody give me a winner,” yelled the Showrunner. One of the more sheepish writers chimed in softly from the back, “What if Mr. Trump—kills—someone—an immigrant perhaps—and drinks their blood—at The United Nations?” Silence filled the room before the Showrunner exclaimed, “Fuck yes! That is what I am talking about! That’s how you save a sinking ship people! Put it up on the fucking board!”
Trump Writers’ Room Scrambles As Mid-Season Ratings Tank added by Ben Dungan on
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