No One Surprised Mike Ditka Clueless About Life For Blacks

Chicago, IL — Recently, former NFL coach Mike Ditka commented on protests of the National Anthem by Black athletes. Odd, considering how Ditka is not a professional athlete and no longer Black. Those of our older readers might remember Ditka forfeiting his honorary Black card when he said, “What the hell is this? Why would I want to be cool?” when presented with his Black card in 1990.

When asked about Colin Kaepernick’s protest of the national anthem for reasons unknown to Da Coach (the needless death of Black Americans at the hands of the police), Ditka stated, ” If they don’t like the country, if they don’t like our flag, get the hell out.” Ditka went on to add, “I don’t see all the atrocities going on in this country that people say are going on.” The story was briefly a trending topic on social media until each platform realized its users were accidentally clicking the wrong links on their phones and computers.

“Yep. Sounds like him.”

The Daily Stooge investigated as to why there was little real interest in Ditka’s comments and much of the responses came back the same. As it turned out, no one put too much stock into the word of a privileged, staunchly conservative, straight white male, Trump supporter, with a long and noteworthy history of concussions. Football enthusiast and reigning Daily Stooge fantasy football champion, Meg Wilder shook her and said, “Yep. Sounds like him.”

“The Black community is in every way unaffected by Mike Ditka’s words.”

This non-scandal is almost a month-old and I am the first Black person to mention it. Right here. No other publication, no internet articles, barbershops. Nothing. Nearly everyone had something better to do this month. “The Black community is in every way unaffected by Mike Ditka’s words.” said literally every Black person I know when asked for comment. Upon further investigation the answer became obvious. Ditka made his statements days before the premiere of Netflix series Luke Cage. And when weighing the options between outrage over a twice-fired coach’s ramblings or watching a bulletproof Black man fight crime and police, it turns out that yes, everyone had something better going on.