Quiet Employee Shits Like An Animal In Workplace Stall

IOWA CITY, IA — Eric Collins has been a co-worker of the culprit for a little over two years now. He’s referred to as El Dorado around the office. “I just never thought he was capable of something like this. He’s a real polite guy, shows up on time everyday, the kinda guy that holds the door for everybody on the elevator.”

It turns out Tim Miller, also known as El Dorado has been deceiving employees for years. “Tim’s always the the first guy to say God Bless You after somebody sneezes, even if their cubicle is four desks away. You never think some people are capable of these actions, but when you look back it makes sense. Tim always kept a jumbo bottle of hand sanitizer and baby wipes on his desk,” Eric recalls.

The second his pants hit the floor he unleashes hell.

“Tim never took dumps like the rest of us. When you’re at work you have to play by the rules, there’s a certain protocol you follow. Typically you wanna wait for some background noise, maybe somebody else is wiping, or if you’re lucky they’re washing their hands and really soaping up. If they’re at the automatic dryer or paper towel dispenser you’re aces,” Eric explains. According to multiple sources what separates El Dorado from everybody else is that the second his pants hit the floor he unleashes hell. “That’s one of his staples, that’s how you know it’s him. I know this poor bastard, Jim from accounting, walked in the stall right after El Dorado finished up, he didn’t flush either it was a real dick move. It’s his calling card, he does it at least once a week. Jim had to take the rest of the afternoon off.”

Tim has always been a model employee, but now that co-workers know who he really is his office street credit has shown substantial gain. His break room jokes are getting a lot more laughs and sometimes there’s already a hot cup of coffee waiting at his desk. He even stopped holding the elevator door for people, now they hold it for him.