CHICAGO, IL — Inebriated and unhinged, Bill Murray grabbed anyone within arm’s reach unleashing a barrage of violence. While fellow out-of-towners looked on in sheer horror, local Chicagoans laughed hysterically, even cheering Mr. Murray on and posing for selfies while the rampage ensued. “I fucking love Bill Murray! The man can do no wrong,” said Chicago local, Tim Jaworski.
“I fucking love Bill Murray! The man can do no wrong”
Beloved for his sporadically wild and drunken antics involving crashing random weddings, birthday parties, and the Cubs locker room, Mr. Murray is a consummate professional when it comes to working a crowd. One witness recalled Mr. Murray’s rampage with fondness “When he stabbed that guy in the chest, I couldn’t stop laughing. The man is a legend! Go cubbies—Whoo!” While Chicagoans continue to embrace Mr. Murray’s well-oiled thirst for blood, we can only hope someone will stop laughing, step up, and try to bring an end to the madness.
Bill Murray’s Drunken, Murderous Rampage Somehow Hilarious And Endearing To Chicagoans added by Ben Dungan on
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