Local Teen Fuck Pad Now A Gorgeous 3 Bed, 2 Bath Dream Home

AKRON, OHIO — What was once an abandoned and dilapidated teenage funhouse containing decades worth of carnal fluids is now someone’s possible dream home.  The 3 bed, 2 bed remodel comes with brand new stainless appliances, the original oak hard-wood floors, and a booklet detailing the home’s history.  Given the home’s rich history, the remodel was given delicate thought by owner, Gilbert Mitchell.  “This house has a story, hundreds—thousands perhaps, and I wanted to give someone else there own chance at a new story.”  Mr. Mitchell pointed to a stained corner in the kitchen saying, “You see that stain—I don’t know what that is. We did are damndest to get that out. We painted it, sanded it, hell we even lit it on fire—sucker wouldn’t go away.”

“You see that stain—I don’t know what that is. We did are damndest to get that out. We painted it, sanded it, hell we even lit it on fire—sucker wouldn’t go away.”

Getting the word out that the home is no longer a dumping spot for local sex crazed teenagers has proven to be a challenge.  “These teenagers still manage to show up, night after night. Honestly, I’m tired of cleaning up after them, said Mitchell.”  The stockpile of fluids that this home once harbored is now been replaced by more of what Mr. Mitchell called a “getaway” feel.  The battle for locals to see the home as more than a consistently moist towel full of teenage DNA is one thing, but selling the home to a young eager couple may prove to be quite another.