Washington D.C. — After reciting a number of quotes from DC Comics super villain Bane during his inauguration address, Mr. Trump has decides that his next Presidential speech will echo sentiments of Die Hard’s main villain, Hans Gruber. “Hans was great, he was a great guy, he was gonna do great things,” said Trump. The newly elected President blames the whole incident at Nakatomi Plaza on the evil John McClane. “He’s very disrespectful,” said Trump. President Trump admires Hans Gruber’s incredibly short fuse, his willingness to issue ultimatums at any given moment, and of course his thick robust German accent which Trump is said to be working on one himself.
“Hans was great, he was a great guy, he was gonna do great things.”
Trump was kind enough to give his speechwriter some notes on his next Presidential speech. The detailed notes included the phrase “Yippee-Ki-Yay Motherfucker,” written several times in red and purple crayon. His notes also included several drawings of missiles accompanied by several mushroom clouds with the word “BOOM.” Trump’s favorite scene in the movie is when Hans Gruber shoots Mr. Nakatomi in the head when he refuses to give up the passcode. The clip is saved on his home DVR, Sean Spicer plays it over and over each morning for Trump while feeding him his morning bowl of Cocoa Puffs and lacing up his shoes.
Latest posts by Mike Jaworski (see all)
- “How to Lie With A Smile On Your Face” a poem by Kellyanne Conway - March 3, 2017
- “How To Ruin The World” a short poem By Stephen Bannon - March 1, 2017
- Donald Trump’s Next Presidential Speech Inspired by Hans Gruber - February 6, 2017