Roger Goodell Releases Tom Brady From Tiny Snow Globe Above His Fireplace

New York, NY — The NFL Commissioner recently spent $645 million dollars on creating a shrinking device that only recognizes Tom Brady’s DNA.  Tom served his four game suspension under the commissioner’s close supervision above his fireplace. “Tom can be a real menace sometimes,” said Goodell.  “This way I can look out for the league’s best interest.  We don’t need him getting caught dancing in public again.”  The NFL Commissioner recently admitted his favorite part of the whole thing was shaking up the snow globe and watching Tom Brady get disoriented and fall over several times a day.  “I got a real kick out of it,” said Goodell.  “It reminded me of my junior high days when I used to push other kids on the ground and take their lunch.”