Roger Goodell Demands 117% of Bar & Restaurant Revenue on Sundays

New York, NY — Mark Davies, owner of Wings N’ Things, has been in business for twelve years, but the price of business just went up. The National Football League now demands 117% of bar and restaurant revenue on game days. “Sundays are usually our bread and butter,” said Mark. NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell is now enforcing this on Monday and Thursday nights as well. “Goodell sends his people in at halftime for the first collection, then they come after the game to collect the rest. If the game goes into overtime the juice really starts running.”

“It’s a business, I just want what’s best for the league and America.”

The NFL is America’s most popular sport. “It’s a business, I just want what’s best for the league and America,” Goodell said. The NFL recently expanded by adding Thursday night games, and hosting games in London. “We get to have football before football, it’s pretty great,” said Goodell. In addition to Sunday, Monday, and Thursday games, Goodell is currently in talks with the US Department of Commerce to get another day added to the week for a more robust NFL schedule. Fox has already bought the TV rights for the unofficial eighth day of the week.