Schaumburg, IL — Opening what has been determined to be a portal to hell, the newly built Red Lobster was unknowingly constructed on the grounds of an old Olive Garden. “I was told this used to be a Denny’s. I never would have built this knowing what I know now.” It appears that Red Lobster’s owners have angered the gods as the portal opened in the middle of the lunch rush, “My god, what have we done!?”
“My god, what have we done!?”
The portal to hell seems to be a minor distraction as current wait times match pre-portal wait times to a T. A few Red Lobster patrons have even taken to throwing pennies down the portal calling it a “wish portal.” While we have yet to see the full extent the portal to hell has to offer, right now it appears that Red Lobster’s regulars seem to like it.