Fox News Introduces New Host Phil O’Malley

Fox News Introduces New Host Phil O’Malley

NEW YORK CITY — Fox News is proud to introduce its newest host, Phil O’Malley.  Fox News co-president, Jack Abernathy, spoke to reporters with a grin saying, “You could say that Phil O’Malley and I have been friends for a while now.”  He went on to say that “He’s got the attitude we like and has absolutely no record […]

Trump Writers’ Room Scrambles As Mid-Season Ratings Tank

Trump Writers’ Room Scrambles As Mid-Season Ratings Tank

WASHINGTON D.C. — Record low ratings for Mr. Trump have sent his team of writers back to the drawing board where sources tell us they are grasping for straws, coming up with any and all ideas in an effort to avoid cancelation.  “I got it!,” exclaimed one of the newer writers.  “How about Mr. Trump attacks […]

White House Implements New Security Measures

White House Implements New Security Measures

WASHINGTON D.C. — New security measures were put in place after accusations over the weekend that former President Obama has been tapping Mr. Trump’s phone lines.  “Effective immediately, all White House employees will be issued a signal blocking helmet,  anti-bug tapping booties, and a bottle of hand sanitizer to kill the microscopic spies that live […]

“How To Ruin The World” a short poem By Stephen Bannon

“How To Ruin The World” a short poem By Stephen Bannon

WASHINGTON D.C. — In the back corner of Cookies coffee shop, Steve Bannon quietly stood in front of a a group of no more than 7 guests where he read one of his many short poems. “How to Ruin the World” I’m in the White House, that’s step number one. Boy oh boy, this is sure gonna be […]

Retarded Impressionists Organization Hold Trump To Campaign Promise

Retarded Impressionists Organization Hold Trump To Campaign Promise

CHARLOTTE, NC — Upset with his most recent public address, The Retarded Impressionists Organization, known as the R.I.O.,  have take a strong stance against President Trump after they have yet to see the needs of their organization met.  The R.I.O. has officially pulled their endorsement and are quickly spreading the word that President Trump is a […]

Man Overdoses On Trump News

Man Overdoses On Trump News

MILWAUKEE, WI — On Saturday Phil Cutter was found dead in his studio apartment.  An autopsy determined that Mr. Cutter died of a lethal dose of Trump news stories.  Unfortunately, these overdoses aren’t solely limited to media stories with President Trump. Similar effects have been reported to those in his cabinet.  Last Thursday, an entire […]

Donald Trump’s Next Presidential Speech Inspired by Hans Gruber

Donald Trump’s Next Presidential Speech Inspired by Hans Gruber

Washington D.C. — After reciting a number of quotes from DC Comics super villain Bane during his inauguration address, Mr. Trump has decides that his next Presidential speech will echo sentiments of Die Hard’s main villain, Hans Gruber. “Hans was great, he was a great guy, he was gonna do great things,” said Trump. The newly […]

“Trump Gives Guys Like Me A Bad Name” Says White Asshole

“Trump Gives Guys Like Me A Bad Name” Says White Asshole

DALTON, GA — Fondly remembering about what life was like before President Trump, Robert Byers was quick to tear up upon realizing his current standing within society.  “The last two weeks have been sobering to say the least,” said Byers.  Being a life-long caucasian asshole, Mr. Byers is no stranger to criticism.  “Listen, I get it.  I’m as […]

Alien Arrival Downplayed By Trump

Alien Arrival Downplayed By Trump

LOGAN, NEW MEXICO — The unexpected arrival of extra terrestrials shocked the nation today as millions watched in anticipation as one of the extra terrestrials approached the podium and attempted to convey the first-ever message towards earthlings.  Unfortunately, his message was quickly interrupted by President-elect Trump saying, “Excuse me, excuse me, you’re being very rude right now—very rude. […]

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