Washington, D.C. — Attempting to recover from the well deserved backlash against evidence of up-charging the life saving medication, Mylan, the makers EpiPen, appears to have listened to consumers and have introduced an “affordable” option. “Look, we screwed up. We didn’t think people would catch on to our bullshit—for that we are sorry,” said Chief of Operations, Hannah […]
Atlanta, GA — There’s been a shift in the workplace recently, lots of companies are allowing employees to work from home. But office gossip queen Emily Cooper thinks people working from home could be unproductive. “I just think you have to be at work to be working,” said Emily. Kyle Price has been a co-worker of […]
IOWA CITY, IA — Eric Collins has been a co-worker of the culprit for a little over two years now. He’s referred to as El Dorado around the office. “I just never thought he was capable of something like this. He’s a real polite guy, shows up on time everyday, the kinda guy that holds the […]
New York, New York — Sweating from what has been yet another night of never ending terror, 27 year-old Ashley Lawson never seems to catch a break as her actual life and nightly terror sessions appear to be one in the same. “A few nights ago, I had this horrible dream that I was living in a […]
Kansas City, MO — Intending to map an ant’s daily routine, a new study has concluded that Ants spend most of their day burning random shit with a magnifying glass. The lead scientist behind the experiment, Meredith Groff, described the behavior as being “kind of badass.” “They seem to enjoy the hell out of it” The […]
Lexington, KY — Twenty-two year old Scott Miller has a lot of weight on his shoulders lately, the mounting pressures at work, navigating the increasingly crazy dating world, but nothing is more important for Scott Miller than his annual hate filled speech during the holiday weekend. “I honestly can’t wait. There’s a lot of pressure […]
Scottsdale, AZ — Topping her eyebrows off to a photo finish, Barbara Fogelberg proudly showed off her newly painted eyebrows. As Barb’s eyebrows disappeared her dream of painting grew stronger. A dream that would end up being fulfilled after watching multiple episodes of Bob Ross’s The Joy of Painting. We salute you Barb, you’ve done it!
Chicago, IL — In a dimly lit backroom of a comedy club, self proclaimed “experimental comedian”, Danielle Barnes, did a full comedy set with a ukulele to a mortified audience. Apparently the novelty was too much for many of them to take. “I tried to leave halfway through—but she was eye balling me the whole […]
Hollywood — Defending itself against an incessant onslaught of criticism for it’s latest move, head of Sony’s Reboot Division, Todd Sternberg, read aloud a statement to the press, “Despite the negativity and protest from hardcore fans of the original film, the reboot of Steel Magnolias is happening. We believe the film is ready for a new generation—a generation that […]
Franklin, TN — 4 year old transgender Golden Retriever, Mickey, has lived a pretty normal life—until recently. Owner, Dan Heartfield, spoke about the confusion in detail explaining “Mickey has always shit on Ms. Henderson’s lawn next door, but now with new bathroom laws in place we’re not sure what to do.” “Pee-pee’s and poo-poo’s are […]