Woman’s Nightmares Resemble Her Real Life

Woman’s Nightmares Resemble Her Real Life

New York, New York — Sweating from what has been yet another night of never ending terror, 27 year-old Ashley Lawson never seems to catch a break as her actual life and nightly terror sessions appear to be one in the same.  “A few nights ago, I had this horrible dream that I was living in a […]

STUDY: Ants Spend Days Burning Shit With Magnifying Glass

STUDY: Ants Spend Days Burning Shit With Magnifying Glass

Kansas City, MO — Intending to map an ant’s daily routine, a new study has concluded that Ants spend most of their day burning random shit with a magnifying glass.  The lead scientist behind the experiment, Meredith Groff, described the behavior as being “kind of badass.” “They seem to enjoy the hell out of it” The […]

Sibling Preps For Hate Filled Speech At Thanksgiving Dinner

Sibling Preps For Hate Filled Speech At Thanksgiving Dinner

Lexington, KY — Twenty-two year old Scott Miller has a lot of weight on his shoulders lately, the mounting pressures at work, navigating the increasingly crazy dating world, but nothing is more important for Scott Miller than his annual hate filled speech during the holiday weekend. “I honestly can’t wait. There’s a lot of pressure […]

Mom Learns To Paint Eyebrows From Watching Bob Ross

Mom Learns To Paint Eyebrows From Watching Bob Ross

Scottsdale, AZ — Topping her eyebrows off to a photo finish, Barbara Fogelberg proudly showed off her newly painted eyebrows.  As Barb’s eyebrows disappeared her dream of painting grew stronger.  A dream that would end up being fulfilled after watching multiple episodes of Bob Ross’s The Joy of Painting.  We salute you Barb, you’ve done it!

Beykeeper Tends To Beyhive

Beykeeper Tends To Beyhive

Atlanta, GA — Wandering the streets aimlessly until the Beyoncé concert this weekend,  fans of The Queen Bey had to be rounded up and tended to by a specialty Beykeeper.  “Technically they can live without me, but I tend to make things a little easier for them.  They tend to grow aggressive when they leave their natural […]

Comedian Does Full Set With Ukulele To Horrified Audience

Comedian Does Full Set With Ukulele To Horrified Audience

Chicago, IL — In a dimly lit backroom of a comedy club, self proclaimed “experimental comedian”, Danielle Barnes, did a full comedy set with a ukulele to a mortified audience. Apparently the novelty was too much for many of them to take. “I tried to leave halfway through—but she was eye balling me the whole […]

Body-Cam Captures Cop’s Sweetest Kill Yet

Body-Cam Captures Cop’s Sweetest Kill Yet

Chicago, IL — Sweating with excitement from what has been another confirmed kill, Officer Brad Hamilton read a statement to the press, “I want to be transparent about the kill, so I have voluntarily released the video of my badassness.”  The summer has been especially deadly for many throughout the Chicago area calling for Police Officers […]

Outrage As Sony Set To Reboot Steel Magnolias Starring All-Male Cast

Outrage As Sony Set To Reboot Steel Magnolias Starring All-Male Cast

Hollywood — Defending itself against an incessant onslaught of criticism for it’s latest move, head of Sony’s Reboot Division, Todd Sternberg, read aloud a statement to the press, “Despite the negativity and protest from hardcore fans of the original film, the reboot of Steel Magnolias is happening. We believe the film is ready for a new generation—a generation that […]

Diversity?: White People Give Birth To White Baby

Diversity?: White People Give Birth To White Baby

  Minneapolis, MN — As we cross the half-way point of 2016 it appears that the very public outcry to diversify throughout the United States has apparently fallen on deaf ears as John and Karen Shepherd (both caucasian) have given birth to a white baby. “Here we go again, white parents…white baby. The system is rigged man!” […]

ISIS Claims Fart That Devastated Local Family

ISIS Claims Fart That Devastated Local Family

Nashville, TN — “A fart felt around the world” is what people are calling it. The flatulence eviscerated the Johnson family’s sense of wonderment and enjoyment leaving the once joyful family with a bad taste in their mouth. As the family lays in shock from last nights events, many questions remain about what exactly happened […]