Couch Remnants A Deadly Reminder Of Feline Destruction

Couch Remnants A Deadly Reminder Of Feline Destruction

Bowling Green, KY — Throwing out what is rumored to be his third couch of the year, Kevin Reynolds sees this as a constant reminder of his cats destructive power. “The little bastard does this all the time—he bounces around, scratches shit up, and then disappears.” said Kevin.  Over the years Kevin has grown numb to […]

Dog Leaves Man Behind In Hot Car

Dog Leaves Man Behind In Hot Car

Los Angeles, CA — Earlier this morning, long time dog owner Ted Kotlet was locked and left in his car while his Jack Russell Terrier,  Terry, made his way into Pets Mart. Ted was left in his car on a hot 98 Degree Los Angeles Day with not even a window cracked while his dog enjoyed the […]

Girlfriend Watches Show In Standard Definition

Girlfriend Watches Show In Standard Definition

Boston, MA — Clicking through the channels on her brand new 4K TV, Kimberly Marks seems to be unaware of the fact that she is watching TV in standard definition.  “Honestly, it doesn’t matter to me. I can’t tell the difference,” said Kimberly.  Her boyfriend, Tristan, told us how he’s brought this to her attention many times. […]

Boy And Ironic T-Shirt Become One

Boy And Ironic T-Shirt Become One

Tulsa, OK — Walking the the hallways with a newfound swagger, Ryan Trenton of Grassland Middle School happily sports his newly acquired ironic t-shirt that reads, “Chinchillin”.  “I’ve had a lot—and I mean a lot—of ironic t-shirts in the past, but this one feels perfect.  It’s almost as if I’ve been wearing this shirt my whole life,” […]

White House Credit Card Declined At State Dinner

White House Credit Card Declined At State Dinner

Washington, D.C. — In what was supposed to be a grand event quickly turned into quite an embarrassing moment for the Obama Administration as The White House’s credit card was declined at the State Dinner. The humiliating event happened just moments after President Obama had been busy entertaining The British Royal Family.  Attendees could hear the […]

Man Retires To Fulfill Lifelong Dream Of Finding Things To Do Around The House

Man Retires To Fulfill Lifelong Dream Of Finding Things To Do Around The House

Cincinnati, OH — Racking his brain for something he may have forgotten, recently retired Walter Henderson aimlessly wanders his house looking for something, anything to do.  Three weeks ago, Henderson, a 31-year veteran of the work force, decided to give it all up and focus on his long forgotten dream of finding something to do around the […]

Mylan Introduces More Affordable EpiPen

Mylan Introduces More Affordable EpiPen

Washington, D.C. — Attempting to recover from the well deserved backlash against evidence of up-charging the life saving medication,  Mylan, the makers EpiPen, appears to have listened to consumers and have introduced an “affordable” option.   “Look, we screwed up. We didn’t think people would catch on to our bullshit—for that we are sorry,” said Chief of Operations, Hannah […]

Office Gossip Queen Deems People Working From Home Unproductive

Office Gossip Queen Deems People Working From Home Unproductive

Atlanta, GA — There’s been a shift in the workplace recently, lots of companies are allowing employees to work from home.  But office gossip queen Emily Cooper thinks people working from home could be unproductive.  “I just think you have to be at work to be working,” said Emily. Kyle Price has been a co-worker of […]

Quiet Employee Shits Like An Animal In Workplace Stall

Quiet Employee Shits Like An Animal In Workplace Stall

IOWA CITY, IA — Eric Collins has been a co-worker of the culprit for a little over two years now. He’s referred to as El Dorado around the office. “I just never thought he was capable of something like this. He’s a real polite guy, shows up on time everyday, the kinda guy that holds the […]