Carlos Mencia Statue Removed From Comedy Central Headquarters

Carlos Mencia Statue Removed From Comedy Central Headquarters

NEW YORK CITY — Declaring this to be the start of a new era, Comedy Central has removed the long-standing statue of the once popular Carlos Mencia.  “While we recognize our rich comedic history, we must also be held accountable for the mistakes we have made along the way,” said Comedy Central President Ross Neumann. […]

STUDY: 9 Out Of 10 Dead People Wish They Had Not

STUDY: 9 Out Of 10 Dead People Wish They Had Not

MINNEAPOLIS, MN — Examining the after effects of life’s permanent departure, a study released this Monday confirmed that the majority of dead people wished they had not.  “Our analysis has determined that a staggering 9 out of 10 deceased individuals ranging from young to old and rich to poor had experienced a longing to continue existing,” said study […]

Distant Middle Of The Night Scream Probably Nothing

Distant Middle Of The Night Scream Probably Nothing

CHICAGO, IL — Shaking off what was for a brief second a moment of pure terror, Brandon Oliver was quick to dismiss the distant, blood-curdling scream that shook him awake as being “probably nothing.”  The four second long scream seemed to haunt Mr. Oliver for the next 7 seconds before checking his alarm clock and being comforted […]

Unhappy Children Staying Together For The Parents

Unhappy Children Staying Together For The Parents

HARTFORD, CONNECTICUT — Coming together since their most recent spat, Silvia and Cody McIver have decided to stay together for the good of their parents.  “It’s no secret that Silvia and I haven’t been happy for a long time now.  However, we think that us splitting up would only do irrevocable damage to our parents fragile […]

Man Mistakes Promotion For Pay Raise

Man Mistakes Promotion For Pay Raise

PHILADELPHIA, PA — Celebrating after 7 years of long nights and weekends, Alex Miller finally received a long awaited promotion.  Alex, a research assistant, was quick to change his business card to read Executive Research Assistant .  “I gave up my life for this company, I feel so glad that my loyalty and hard work is finally rewarded.  I knew that […]

Alien Arrival Downplayed By Trump

Alien Arrival Downplayed By Trump

LOGAN, NEW MEXICO — The unexpected arrival of extra terrestrials shocked the nation today as millions watched in anticipation as one of the extra terrestrials approached the podium and attempted to convey the first-ever message towards earthlings.  Unfortunately, his message was quickly interrupted by President-elect Trump saying, “Excuse me, excuse me, you’re being very rude right now—very rude. […]

“Uhhh…Yeah, Guilty. Sure, That Works” Says Juror Woken From Nap

“Uhhh…Yeah, Guilty. Sure, That Works” Says Juror Woken From Nap

Cleveland, OH — Struggling to keep his eyes open during yet another day of deliberations, Juror #7 awoke from his bi-daily nap only to realize he is still at Jury Duty.  “Uhhh…yeah, guilty. Sure, that works,” said Juror #7 upon waking.  When asked by the jury foreman which counts of the crime he was voting guilty on, he replied, […]

Local Sicko Enjoys Candy Corn

Local Sicko Enjoys Candy Corn

Minneapolis, MN — Savoring the flavor from his latest bite, Hank Paulson proudly displayed his love for candy corn at the neighborhood Halloween party. “What can I say, they’re delicious,” says Paulson.  Hank, a usually quite guy, is unable to hide his true colors when candy corn is in play. “There’s something about the taste of stale […]

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