Unhappy Children Staying Together For The Parents

Unhappy Children Staying Together For The Parents

HARTFORD, CONNECTICUT — Coming together since their most recent spat, Silvia and Cody McIver have decided to stay together for the good of their parents.  “It’s no secret that Silvia and I haven’t been happy for a long time now.  However, we think that us splitting up would only do irrevocable damage to our parents fragile […]

“Trump Gives Guys Like Me A Bad Name” Says White Asshole

“Trump Gives Guys Like Me A Bad Name” Says White Asshole

DALTON, GA — Fondly remembering about what life was like before President Trump, Robert Byers was quick to tear up upon realizing his current standing within society.  “The last two weeks have been sobering to say the least,” said Byers.  Being a life-long caucasian asshole, Mr. Byers is no stranger to criticism.  “Listen, I get it.  I’m as […]

Gay Man Grows Stronger As He Absorbs Yet Another Hamilton Set

Gay Man Grows Stronger As He Absorbs Yet Another Hamilton Set

NEW YORK CITY — Mouthing the words to every song and clenching his fists with a look of absolute power, local gay resident, Christian Rhodes, absorbed yet another Hamilton set.  “Godddd yes!,” said Rhodes while taking it all in.  Rhodes, a long standing supporter of Broadway, has sold everything and cashed in all favors in order to see […]

I Forgot To Have Weird Experimental Sex In College, What Should I Do?

I Forgot To Have Weird Experimental Sex In College, What Should I Do?

Santa Barbara, CA — For seven years now, Samantha Barnes, 29, has had a bad feeling that she had forgotten to do something—something very important. Unfortunately for Ms. Barnes, her nightmare came true upon the realization that she had completed college but failed to experiment with weird sex.  “Weird experimental sex is why we go to college.” […]

Gotham Found To Be Decent If You Have Basic Cable

Gotham Found To Be Decent If You Have Basic Cable

Kansas City, MO — The just-average TV show Gotham returned with an all right episode. The show is found to be semi-decent if you don’t have a lot of options. Tyler Parks, who got rid of his premium cable package just two weeks ago, catches an episode every now and then.  “I’ve only got like […]

Boy And Ironic T-Shirt Become One

Boy And Ironic T-Shirt Become One

Tulsa, OK — Walking the the hallways with a newfound swagger, Ryan Trenton of Grassland Middle School happily sports his newly acquired ironic t-shirt that reads, “Chinchillin”.  “I’ve had a lot—and I mean a lot—of ironic t-shirts in the past, but this one feels perfect.  It’s almost as if I’ve been wearing this shirt my whole life,” […]

Finally: 1st Ever Unaltered Magazine Cover

Finally: 1st Ever Unaltered Magazine Cover

New York City — Too often our children are pegged with unrealistic standards when it comes to beauty.  I’m happy to announce that starting today, that is no longer.  Fashion Magazine has taken a vow to stop altering their cover photos and show the world what real women look like.  Bravo Fashion Magazine, Bravo!