Man Retires To Fulfill Lifelong Dream Of Finding Things To Do Around The House

Man Retires To Fulfill Lifelong Dream Of Finding Things To Do Around The House

Cincinnati, OH — Racking his brain for something he may have forgotten, recently retired Walter Henderson aimlessly wanders his house looking for something, anything to do.  Three weeks ago, Henderson, a 31-year veteran of the work force, decided to give it all up and focus on his long forgotten dream of finding something to do around the […]

Woman’s Nightmares Resemble Her Real Life

Woman’s Nightmares Resemble Her Real Life

New York, New York — Sweating from what has been yet another night of never ending terror, 27 year-old Ashley Lawson never seems to catch a break as her actual life and nightly terror sessions appear to be one in the same.  “A few nights ago, I had this horrible dream that I was living in a […]

STUDY: Ants Spend Days Burning Shit With Magnifying Glass

STUDY: Ants Spend Days Burning Shit With Magnifying Glass

Kansas City, MO — Intending to map an ant’s daily routine, a new study has concluded that Ants spend most of their day burning random shit with a magnifying glass.  The lead scientist behind the experiment, Meredith Groff, described the behavior as being “kind of badass.” “They seem to enjoy the hell out of it” The […]

ISIS Claims Fart That Devastated Local Family

ISIS Claims Fart That Devastated Local Family

Nashville, TN — “A fart felt around the world” is what people are calling it. The flatulence eviscerated the Johnson family’s sense of wonderment and enjoyment leaving the once joyful family with a bad taste in their mouth. As the family lays in shock from last nights events, many questions remain about what exactly happened […]

Orange Lives Matter Disrupt Clinton Rally

Orange Lives Matter Disrupt Clinton Rally

  Washington, D.C. — A small group of Orange Lives Matter activists interrupted Hillary Clinton yesterday in Washington during one of her campaign rallies. “We demand an apology to all the Orange people out there,” yelled one of the protestors. “Orange people continue to be marginalized and ridiculed!” yelled one of the protestors. “Fuck all y’all! […]

Nuclear Facility Worries About Cell Phone Tower Next Door

Nuclear Facility Worries About Cell Phone Tower Next Door

  Victoria, TX — In the age of lightning fast communication, some would risk it all for the conveniences of technology. But there is one particular Nuclear Power Facility in Victoria, Texas that has it’s concerns regarding the safety of such conveniences given the facilities proximity to a cell tower next door.  Head Plutonium Explosion expert […]