Local Teen Fuck Pad Now A Gorgeous 3 Bed, 2 Bath Dream Home

Local Teen Fuck Pad Now A Gorgeous 3 Bed, 2 Bath Dream Home

AKRON, OHIO — What was once an abandoned and dilapidated teenage funhouse containing decades worth of carnal fluids is now someone’s possible dream home.  The 3 bed, 2 bed remodel comes with brand new stainless appliances, the original oak hard-wood floors, and a booklet detailing the home’s history.  Given the home’s rich history, the remodel was given delicate thought by […]

Gillette Introduces New 27 Blade Razor

Gillette Introduces New 27 Blade Razor

BOSTON, MA — In an attempt to revitalize the shaving industry, Gillette appears to done it again by introducing the world to it’s 27 blade razor.  Gillette’s leading scientist, Miles Franco,  spoke with us about the breakthrough design.  “With our patented 27 blade technology, you get a clean shave and then some.  Weaker 5 blade razors […]

Man Mistakes Promotion For Pay Raise

Man Mistakes Promotion For Pay Raise

PHILADELPHIA, PA — Celebrating after 7 years of long nights and weekends, Alex Miller finally received a long awaited promotion.  Alex, a research assistant, was quick to change his business card to read Executive Research Assistant .  “I gave up my life for this company, I feel so glad that my loyalty and hard work is finally rewarded.  I knew that […]

Capital Investment Firm Is Lousy with “It’s The Uber For” Pitch Meetings

Capital Investment Firm Is Lousy with “It’s The Uber For” Pitch Meetings

ATLANTA, GA — Empire Capital Firm is positioning themselves to be the nation’s leading investor in “Uber-Esque” businesses. “We have seen ten ‘It’s like Uber but for Colonics” this week alone”, explained CEO Trey Ubanks. “The key now is understanding strategy and choosing which start-up can actually deliver a water based butt release wherever a customer […]