Sibling Preps For Hate Filled Speech At Thanksgiving Dinner

Sibling Preps For Hate Filled Speech At Thanksgiving Dinner

Lexington, KY — Twenty-two year old Scott Miller has a lot of weight on his shoulders lately, the mounting pressures at work, navigating the increasingly crazy dating world, but nothing is more important for Scott Miller than his annual hate filled speech during the holiday weekend. “I honestly can’t wait. There’s a lot of pressure […]

Mom Learns To Paint Eyebrows From Watching Bob Ross

Mom Learns To Paint Eyebrows From Watching Bob Ross

Scottsdale, AZ — Topping her eyebrows off to a photo finish, Barbara Fogelberg proudly showed off her newly painted eyebrows.  As Barb’s eyebrows disappeared her dream of painting grew stronger.  A dream that would end up being fulfilled after watching multiple episodes of Bob Ross’s The Joy of Painting.  We salute you Barb, you’ve done it!

Beykeeper Tends To Beyhive

Beykeeper Tends To Beyhive

Atlanta, GA — Wandering the streets aimlessly until the Beyoncé concert this weekend,  fans of The Queen Bey had to be rounded up and tended to by a specialty Beykeeper.  “Technically they can live without me, but I tend to make things a little easier for them.  They tend to grow aggressive when they leave their natural […]

Comedian Does Full Set With Ukulele To Horrified Audience

Comedian Does Full Set With Ukulele To Horrified Audience

Chicago, IL — In a dimly lit backroom of a comedy club, self proclaimed “experimental comedian”, Danielle Barnes, did a full comedy set with a ukulele to a mortified audience. Apparently the novelty was too much for many of them to take. “I tried to leave halfway through—but she was eye balling me the whole […]

Body-Cam Captures Cop’s Sweetest Kill Yet

Body-Cam Captures Cop’s Sweetest Kill Yet

Chicago, IL — Sweating with excitement from what has been another confirmed kill, Officer Brad Hamilton read a statement to the press, “I want to be transparent about the kill, so I have voluntarily released the video of my badassness.”  The summer has been especially deadly for many throughout the Chicago area calling for Police Officers […]

CRUISE CONTROL: Tom, Ted, and Penelope Pose For A Family Photo

CRUISE CONTROL:  Tom, Ted, and Penelope Pose For A Family Photo

Malibu, CA — It’s been so long since the three of them have been in the same room together.  Luckily for us this picture was taken at the 4th Annual Cruise/Cruz Family Reunion.   Let’s celebrate this happy moment by letting this picture of the family reunion sink in and also by remembering those Cruise/Cruz’s who […]

Outrage As Sony Set To Reboot Steel Magnolias Starring All-Male Cast

Outrage As Sony Set To Reboot Steel Magnolias Starring All-Male Cast

Hollywood — Defending itself against an incessant onslaught of criticism for it’s latest move, head of Sony’s Reboot Division, Todd Sternberg, read aloud a statement to the press, “Despite the negativity and protest from hardcore fans of the original film, the reboot of Steel Magnolias is happening. We believe the film is ready for a new generation—a generation that […]

Diversity?: White People Give Birth To White Baby

Diversity?: White People Give Birth To White Baby

  Minneapolis, MN — As we cross the half-way point of 2016 it appears that the very public outcry to diversify throughout the United States has apparently fallen on deaf ears as John and Karen Shepherd (both caucasian) have given birth to a white baby. “Here we go again, white parents…white baby. The system is rigged man!” […]

Cosby Sweater Taken Down In Police Sting Operation

Cosby Sweater Taken Down In Police Sting Operation

New York City — For the past two weeks the New York City Police have received various reports of a Cosby Sweater hanging around various drugs store on the Upper West Side of Manhattan.  The sightings had become so frequent that people soon took notice.  We spoke to local CVS manager Brent Stevens about the sightings, […]

ISIS Claims Fart That Devastated Local Family

ISIS Claims Fart That Devastated Local Family

Nashville, TN — “A fart felt around the world” is what people are calling it. The flatulence eviscerated the Johnson family’s sense of wonderment and enjoyment leaving the once joyful family with a bad taste in their mouth. As the family lays in shock from last nights events, many questions remain about what exactly happened […]