Carlos Mencia Statue Removed From Comedy Central Headquarters

Carlos Mencia Statue Removed From Comedy Central Headquarters

NEW YORK CITY — Declaring this to be the start of a new era, Comedy Central has removed the long-standing statue of the once popular Carlos Mencia.  “While we recognize our rich comedic history, we must also be held accountable for the mistakes we have made along the way,” said Comedy Central President Ross Neumann. […]

Fox News Introduces New Host Phil O’Malley

Fox News Introduces New Host Phil O’Malley

NEW YORK CITY — Fox News is proud to introduce its newest host, Phil O’Malley.  Fox News co-president, Jack Abernathy, spoke to reporters with a grin saying, “You could say that Phil O’Malley and I have been friends for a while now.”  He went on to say that “He’s got the attitude we like and has absolutely no record […]

STUDY: 9 Out Of 10 Dead People Wish They Had Not

STUDY: 9 Out Of 10 Dead People Wish They Had Not

MINNEAPOLIS, MN — Examining the after effects of life’s permanent departure, a study released this Monday confirmed that the majority of dead people wished they had not.  “Our analysis has determined that a staggering 9 out of 10 deceased individuals ranging from young to old and rich to poor had experienced a longing to continue existing,” said study […]

Local Teen Fuck Pad Now A Gorgeous 3 Bed, 2 Bath Dream Home

Local Teen Fuck Pad Now A Gorgeous 3 Bed, 2 Bath Dream Home

AKRON, OHIO — What was once an abandoned and dilapidated teenage funhouse containing decades worth of carnal fluids is now someone’s possible dream home.  The 3 bed, 2 bed remodel comes with brand new stainless appliances, the original oak hard-wood floors, and a booklet detailing the home’s history.  Given the home’s rich history, the remodel was given delicate thought by […]

Trump Writers’ Room Scrambles As Mid-Season Ratings Tank

Trump Writers’ Room Scrambles As Mid-Season Ratings Tank

WASHINGTON D.C. — Record low ratings for Mr. Trump have sent his team of writers back to the drawing board where sources tell us they are grasping for straws, coming up with any and all ideas in an effort to avoid cancelation.  “I got it!,” exclaimed one of the newer writers.  “How about Mr. Trump attacks […]

Distant Middle Of The Night Scream Probably Nothing

Distant Middle Of The Night Scream Probably Nothing

CHICAGO, IL — Shaking off what was for a brief second a moment of pure terror, Brandon Oliver was quick to dismiss the distant, blood-curdling scream that shook him awake as being “probably nothing.”  The four second long scream seemed to haunt Mr. Oliver for the next 7 seconds before checking his alarm clock and being comforted […]

White House Implements New Security Measures

White House Implements New Security Measures

WASHINGTON D.C. — New security measures were put in place after accusations over the weekend that former President Obama has been tapping Mr. Trump’s phone lines.  “Effective immediately, all White House employees will be issued a signal blocking helmet,  anti-bug tapping booties, and a bottle of hand sanitizer to kill the microscopic spies that live […]

Retarded Impressionists Organization Hold Trump To Campaign Promise

Retarded Impressionists Organization Hold Trump To Campaign Promise

CHARLOTTE, NC — Upset with his most recent public address, The Retarded Impressionists Organization, known as the R.I.O.,  have take a strong stance against President Trump after they have yet to see the needs of their organization met.  The R.I.O. has officially pulled their endorsement and are quickly spreading the word that President Trump is a […]

Oscar Acceptance Speech Given At Political Award Show

Oscar Acceptance Speech Given At Political Award Show

HOLLYWOOD, CA — Shock and awe as audience members at The Politician’s Choice Awards had to bear witness to a painful Oscar acceptance speech.  “Wow! I’m in shock right now. Growing up, I used to lie in bed and dream about this moment.  I don’t even have words for this.” said the winner pulling out a […]

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